this entry is kind of long, and i would appreciate it if you read and commented.

before i talk about the stupid crap i'm going through at the moment, i will say that the dance crew tour was awesome!! here are the links for the pictures and videos:

Pictures:
http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2054979&l=69e74&id=20405404

Videos:
http://www.facebook.com/video/?id=20405404


now for the bullshit.

long story short (and i will probably elaborate later on the individual situations that contributed to this): i am not in the best emotional state right now. i can honestly say i don't think i've ever gotten this low before. for one thing, i'm pretty anemic right now because of the state of my cycle, and even though i'm just feeling the anemic effect now i have been dealing with this unusual irregularity since hurricane katrina, so that's about 3 years. it really sucks feeling weak and tired most of the time. not to mention that this causes my hormones to be imbalanced, so i get extra emotional when i really don't want to.


and then about 4 hours ago i discover something that i wasn't expecting at all.

i'm sure by now most people have heard about a website called juicy campus. if you haven't, it's basically a website where people can anonymously post gossip about things and people at their university. i have always hated this website, and don't see the need for its existence...and that's even before i found ignorant posts containing hurtful things (whether true or untrue) about people i know.

well i can now join the club.

i haven't been on the website in weeks because i wanted to forget about it. today, one of my friends told me that she had something written about her on there, and she was telling me other horrible things that she had seen. she wanted me to go find what was written about her so i could see for myself. later i did just that, only instead of finding what she was talking about, i find a post with LU Dance Team and my name in the topic.

i stared at it for a while because i had a feeling it was going to be a bad post (somehow 2% of posts on the website are actually positive)...not to mention there was some drama that went on with the team at the end of last year (i will elaborate on later) and i had a feeling this post would be about that. i finally gathered the strength to open it and this is what i saw:


LU Dance Team$Christen Rhody

RACIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Captain Sucks Ass!!!!!!she cant turn and she wasnt supposed to b
captain!black chik was.and she doesnt know shit bout dance.and shes a fat
ass.so of course she cant lift herself up off the ground!rotflmao!!!!!


it didn't bother me that much at first...i was just astounded that anyone would write something like that about me. i copied and sent this to many of my closest friends just to express the disbelief that i was in. i was fine until the first friend replied...the kind and encouraging words made me so emotional that i started crying and i didn't stop for a long time. now that i'm calm, i still can't believe someone would waste their time and energy to bash me...especially when i would NEVER do that to anyone, not even anonymously (so that shows how much of a coward they are).

these are my thoughts on this post:

1. racist? REALLY? obviously this person doesn't know me well because throughout my lifetime the majority of my friends have been BLACK (i'm LATINO and WHITE), not to mention i have friends of all races and i don't speak badly of any race.

2. lame is a relative term. i don't really care about this one.

3. the fat thing bothers me the most, i guess. the average person wouldn't call me fat, and i'm not stick thin either. i'm actually the size of the majority of women in the country, but i guess it doesn't help being 5'1 (although i like being short). it's something my parents have bothered me about, but more for health reasons rather than appearance. i also want to lose weight for myself, but it's hard to find time and remember to exercise regularly, and i try to eat as healthy as i can but it's hard to do that living on campus. the thing that hurts about this is that it's coming from a random person and not my family or joking with my friends.

4. as far as my dancing ability, this bothers me too because dancing is something i'm really passionate about. i still want to do it after college (more hip hop though) and i have always wanted to have a dance crew (maybe get on ABDC lol). i'm decent, not the best. but then who is? there is always room for improvement. i'm naturally a person who doesn't brag and i guess i underestimate my abilities sometimes...i would rather leave it up to someone else to form their own opinion...but i will say that i don't suck as much as that person makes it seem.


i really wish i could find out who wrote this. the reason that it most likely won't happen is that there is very little chance of tracking down the person who wrote it. there are also legal loopholes that the website has found to keep itself functioning without lawsuits (i swear i want to sue for libel so bad).


i know whoever wrote this is ignorant, childish, trashy, jealous, uneducated, confused, and a coward. i know i'm so much better than this. i know i have to [keep my head up] and [smile] like tupac, but i just want to express how much it really is easier said than done.